Return-Path: X-Original-To: info@ausheart.com.au Delivered-To: info@ausheart.com.au Received: from localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 76001DEB5D for ; Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:54:28 +1000 (EST) Received: from marlin.fishinternet.com.au ([127.0.0.1]) by localhost (marlin.fishinternet.com.au [127.0.0.1]) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id 23127-09 for ; Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:54:15 +1000 (EST) Received-SPF: none (marlin.fishinternet.com.au: 150.101.193.82 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of fathersonline.org) client-ip=150.101.193.82; envelope-from=info@fathersonline.org; helo=polyglot.com.au; Received: from polyglot.com.au (eth2643.nsw.adsl.internode.on.net [150.101.193.82]) by marlin.fishinternet.com.au (Postfix) with ESMTP id 58A90DEB5B for ; Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:54:09 +1000 (EST) Received: from server ([192.168.100.14]) by polyglot.com.au with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.1830); Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:53:55 +1000 Thread-Topic: Investing in Love Reply-To: Message-ID: thread-index: AcazWXyMw0oMD6vYTVqew9BpsWusvA== From: To: Subject: Investing in Love Date: Sun, 30 Jul 2006 07:53:55 +1000 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: multipart/alternative; boundary="----=_NextPart_000_EE3E_01C6B3AD.4E3D6B80" X-Mailer: Microsoft CDO for Exchange 2000 Content-Class: urn:content-classes:message Importance: normal Priority: normal X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V6.00.3790.2663 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 29 Jul 2006 21:53:55.0015 (UTC) FILETIME=[7C93A570:01C6B359] X-Virus-Scanned: amavisd-new at fishinternet.com.au X-NAS-BWL: Found match for 'info@fathersonline.org' on the allowed list (1796 addresses, 0 domains) X-NAS-Classification: 0 X-NAS-MessageID: 341 X-NAS-Validation: {FF825B7A-B161-40BD-90F8-3582DAE91A1E} This is a multi-part message in MIME format. ------=_NextPart_000_EE3E_01C6B3AD.4E3D6B80 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Unable to read this email? Please click here Issue 205 - 31st July 2006 Go to our website Here * Hello Warwick * Grandads * Laughter * Single Dads * All you need is Love * Thought of the Week * Special Feature * News & Info * Dad's Prayer * Help Us Hello Warwick Last week in fathersonline in our 'Grandads' section we had a great article from Diane Sollee. Fathersonline is all about men talking to men about fatherhood and family. We rarely have articles by women for that reason, but we simply had to include Diane's article because it was so brilliant and related to the most important thing a man can do for his children, that is, love his wife. Diane Sollee is a grandmother and runs a wonderful organisation called Smart Marriages in the USA. Diane and her team have regular emails on marriage and related issues and I would highly recommend that you get on the Smartmarriages email list if you are interested in ideas for marriage. http://www.smartmarriages.com For the past ten years Diane has been holding her own 'Gramma Week', during which all five of her grand children come and spend 10 days with her. Their parents go off for a child-free 'marriage vacation'. Diane says, "I highly recommend it to all able-bodied grandparents as the best marriage-strengthening gift you can give your adult kids. My sons and daughters-in-law look forward to it all year long. I also think of it as preventative grand parenting - to make sure I don't ever end up either losing contact with my grandkids, or raising them full time after a divorce (50% of all divorced adults return to live with their parents after divorce, bringing their kids with them). I just do it for the sheer pleasure, it's a total change of pace and it makes me feel so young. I also love giving my grand children the idea that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence and that marriage is fun and romantic. They get all giggly over the idea. 'Wonder what mamma and daddy are doing right now?' I ask them. 'Probably dancing. Probably holding hands while they kayak around the glaciers. Probably kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower. Tee hee." Diane continues, "If you don't have parents that can do this, I encourage you to set up a swap with siblings or friends. It takes planning - so start now. If you can't manage a week, take a long weekend. It's a message to each other - and a strong message to your kids. We must practice what we preach." With the 'Good to Great' - Fatherhood Mentoring Course coming up and the fact that one requirement of the course is to take your wife away for a romantic weekend together, I thought it was time to practice what we preach. My children are no longer young so I didn't have to call in the grandma. As we live in a regional centre, it is always nice to go to the big city together. It took a bit of planning, a bit of effort and a bit of money, but we got there and it was wonderful. We went window shopping together, ate out together, walked through the park in the rain together, watched a movie together, travelled on the monorail together and generally had a fantastic time together; the operative word being 'together'. The fact of being together forces you to talk, among other things. Both men and women need this, but the daily grind of existence can knock it out of you both pretty quickly. It's easy to fall in love, but you have to fight to stay in love. Going away together, as Diane Sollee points out is sending a clear message to your children: 'love is the reason' for their existence and as Diane says, "that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence, and that marriage is fun and romantic." American psychologists, Knox & Ingster, conducted some very interesting experiments at the race track. They asked punters how certain they were that their horse would win. Just after placing a bet, they were much more confident of winning than they were just before placing the bet. Same horse, same jockey, same track - just more certainty. The reason for this confidence is that most people have a deep-seated desire to be consistent in their behaviour. After placing a bet, the punter became someone who supported the horse, having made a commitment to its success. They changed their other attitudes to fit that commitment. Taking your wife away for a romantic weekend increases your commitment to her and your love for her, which then overflows to your children. This overflow of love in the home helps produce a happy family. Commitment shows love, and love is the reason your children exist. What more do you need? Lovework Love is the most powerful force in the Universe, so why not put it into action in your family? Make the right bets; increase your chances at winning. Invest your time, effort, planning and money into the bet of LOVE. If you invest in Love, you will eventually win the race. Yours for more LOVE Warwick Marsh PS The Fatherhood Foundation is still working on going to the next level. Our goal is simply 'to change the world one father at a time'. Our mission to give our children the fathers they need. Our strategy is to inspire, encourage, educate and resource men to become the best fathers in the world for the sake of their children. Our children deserve the best; why not give it to them. If you would like to help us in our work please check out 'Help Us' at the end of the newsletter or email info@fathersonline.org Remember that your giving is Tax Deductible. ________________________________________ Warwick Marsh has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 25 years to 13 years. Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself. back to top Grandads Every man is enthusiastic at times. One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes, another has it for thirty days - but it is the man that has it for thirty years who makes a success in life. Anonymous back to top Laughter After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back." back to top Single Dads God's Gift By Drew McGowan Aimee, my beautiful daughter, was born after 7 years of trying to have a child, two miscarriages, two IVF attempts and losing her twin in the first 4 weeks of the pregnancy. She is truly God's gift. After Aimee's birth I was retrenched, fell into a depression and was diagnosed with Bipolar. I remember standing beside her cot asking why I wasn't motivated to provide for her and my wife. I was asked not to return home after I got out of the psychiatric clinic which I obeyed. At that time Aimee was 6 months old, her mother left with her and I didn't know where they were. Three months after they left I drove from Brisbane to Sydney to spend 3 hours with Aimee in a supervised contact centre. There were security guards, I was not allowed to take a photo of Aimee or change her nappy. My ex-wife's desire was that I never play a role in Aimee's life. I had no option but to start legal proceedings. Great friends stuck by me and helped me believe in myself and the need for me to be involved in Aimee's life. With success at court, a judge said that the court would not permit a child of 18 months of age being denied a relationship with their father and no supervision was required during contact, thank God. When Aimee was 3, I decided to move from Brisbane to Sydney. Being a part time dad every 6 to 8 weeks wasn't enough. I missed out on Aimee's first steps, her first word and so much of her early years. It was time to be the dad she needed. This was the same age I was when my father died. At school there was a boy who said to me, "Sucked in, you haven't got a father." I later found out that he didn't either. The difference was that my dad died but his left. I know what it is like to grow up without a dad. I don't want Aimee to have that experience. So on 31 August 2000 with no job and nowhere to live I left Brisbane and drove to Sydney to start life as a more involved father. The next day was Father's Day. What a day to start 'contact', that's the technical term for when you see your children. What an awesome day. In the early days being around families was very difficult, I found myself constantly thinking about Aimee. Christmas and my birthday were no longer happy times, however I have learnt to focus on the time we have together and to make the most of every minute. I pray for the day that Aimee chooses to come and live with me. Not that I want Aimee to have to choose, no child should choose one parent over another; in fact I find this detestable. My constant struggle is to continue accepting the current situation and not be selfish. Because I truly believe that Aimee needs her mother as her primary carer until after puberty. Until then I continue to be a single man for 11 days a fortnight, a single dad for the other 3 days and half the school holidays. We have just spent half of the school holidays together. From the simplest things of tucking Aimee in at night, reading bedtime stories, cooking dinner, washing, watching DVD's through to picnicking with friends, making ear rings and playing table soccer. The opportunity to do life normally for eight days; awesome! It has been said that when a child is told something by their mother it is how they see themself. When their father tells them something it is how they perceive the world sees them. Your role as a father is vitally important. Winston Churchill's most famous speech was, 'Never, Never, Never give up.' It was a challenge to become a father and continues to be a challenge to remain Aimee's father. It is a fight which I will never, never, never give up. ______________________________________________________ Drew McGowan is in the situation more and more men in our country and the world find themselves: a part-time dad. Most of the time he is a single man but every second weekend he is a single dad. back to top All you need is Love Teach Your Child the Charity Habit By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller Charity and the spirit of giving have been elevated to a new level following the recent Asian tsunami. After witnessing the horrific images of pain and suffering streaming steadily across their TV sets, more people than ever before have dipped deeper into their own pockets to offer needed relief to the survivors of this unprecedented tragedy. Many parents are using the destruction delivered by the disaster as an opportunity to help children learn about charity and the importance of reaching out to others in their time of need. They have made generous family donations, often involving their children in picking out the charity, writing the check, and preparing and mailing the envelope. They have allowed their children to witness turning the pain and grief of unimaginable loss into a time of extending love and compassion to unknown people half way around the world. Clearly the recent tsunami provides an opportune time to teach children about charity. But what if parents want lessons about charity to be more than a one time occurrence? What if they want the spirit of giving to be a way of life for their children? What if they want charity to become a habit? To help your children acquire the habit of charity, consider implementing as a family the strategies which follow. 1) Periodically go through your closets rooting out clothes you haven't worn in awhile, clothes to be given to the Salvation Army or Good Will for distribution to the needy. Encourage your children to do the same. Allow them to select which clothes or toys they wish to donate. The value of this activity is diminished greatly if you go through their closets for them without their presence. For maximum benefit, get your children involved in choosing the appropriate items. Take your children with you when you drop the items off at the charitable destination. 2) Regularly engage in a service oriented project. Rake the leaves of an elderly couple. Bake cookies for a serviceman or servicewoman. Bake bread and deliver it to the homeless feeding station in your community. 3) Give blood. Take your children with you so they see you as a model for giving. Talk to them about why you choose to donate blood and what you hope it will accomplish by doing so. 4) Set up birthday parties as a time for giving to others. At your child's first school age birthday party, ask guests to bring a gift of a book (new or used) to be donated to a local charity. Talk to you son about the books he has and about children who have no books. Explain that one way to celebrate a birthday would be to give to those who have less. Involve the birthday boy in the decision of whether not to give the books to a woman?s shelter, a doctor's office, or some other appropriate organization. When you deliver the books with your son, record it on camera. 5) At regular intervals, buy dog or cat food and take it to the humane society. Allow your children to spend some time with the recipients of the gift. 6) Build food baskets around the holidays and give to a needy family suggested by your church or school. Involve your children is selecting canned goods, fruit and other treats to include. Decorate the gift package and deliver it together, as a family. 7) Create a charity jar to be used by the family when allowances are distributed. Invite children to share some of their allowance with others through donating to the jar. As the jar fills decide as a family where to contribute the contents. You may choose to save a whale, buy gloves for needy children, or contribute to a cancer charity among others. Read about various charities on the internet and share this information with your children to help them make an informed decision. 8) Do things for the elderly they have trouble doing for themselves. Pick up sticks in your neighbors yard after a big windstorm. Mow the grass for grandma. Wash grandpa's car. Clean their windows in the spring. Help them plant flowers. 9) Get on a regular service schedule at your church or synagogue. Sign up for a time to mow the grass and trim the bushes. Take your turn ushering and allow your child to assist. By implementing some of the ideas above or others like them, you will be teaching your children that charity is not reserved only for emergencies. You will be helping them appreciate that reaching out to others in need is a way of life, rather than a moment in time when a catastrophic disaster occurs. Remember, while you are giving to others, you are giving your children important messages about your beliefs concerning the spirit of giving. Subscribe to Parenting Tips http://www.mercatornet.com/news/admin/parentingtips@pared.edu.au back to top Thought of the Week It is easy to fall in love But you have to fight to stay in love. Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. Let love rule your life. You will never be sorry that you did. Warwick Marsh back to top Special Feature Who's happiest? Not us July 12, 2006 - 2:22PM The Sydney Morning Herald The full report can be found at the Happy Planet Index http://www.neweconomics.org/gen/uploads/dl44k145g5scuy453044gqbu11072006 194758.pdf The tiny South Pacific Ocean archipelago of Vanuatu is the happiest country on Earth, according to a study measuring people's wellbeing and their impact on the environment. Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominica and Panama complete the top five in the Happy Planet Index, compiled by the British think-tank New Economics Foundation (NEF). Australia is ranked 139th out of the 178 countries surveyed. The index combines life satisfaction, life expectancy and environmental footprint - the amount of land required to sustain the population and absorb its energy consumption. Zimbabwe came bottom of the rankings, below second-worst performer Swaziland, Burundi, the Democratic Republic of Congo and Ukraine in the survey, published today. The Group of Eight industrial powers meet in St Petersburg this weekend but have not much to smile about, according to the index. Italy came out best in 66th place, ahead of Germany (81), Japan (95), Britain (108), Canada (111), France (129). Those worse off than Australia included the United States (150) and Russia, in lowly 172nd place. Andrew Simms, NEF's policy director, said the index "addresses the relative success or failure of countries in giving their citizens a good life while respecting the environmental resource limits on which all our lives depend." Nic Marks, the head of NEF's centre for wellbeing, added: "It is clear that no single nation listed in the Happy Planet Index has got everything right. "But the index does reveal patterns that show how we might better achieve long and happy lives for all, whilst living within our environmental means," he said, according to British daily The Guardian. "The challenge is: can we learn the lessons and apply them?" Island nations performed particularly well in the rankings. But Vanuatu, with a population of around 200,000, topped them all. "Don't tell too many people, please," said Marke Lowen of Vanuatu Online, the republic's online newspaper. "People are generally happy here because they are very satisfied with very little," he told The Guardian. "This is not a consumer-driven society. Life here is about community and family and goodwill to other people. It's a place where you don't worry too much." "The only things we fear are cyclones or earthquakes." Selected others: 17th Philippines; 23rd Indonesia; 31st China; 32nd Thailand; 44th Malaysia; 62nd India; 64th Iceland; 70th Netherlands; 87th Spain; 88th Hong Kong; 89th Saudi Arabia; 99th Denmark; 112th Pakistan; 115th Norway; 119th Sweden; 123rd Finland; 154th UAE; 156th South Africa; 159th Kuwait; 166th Qatar. back to top News & Info Good to Great Fatherhood Mentoring Course for the 21st Century Launch and Information Night With Brigadier Jim Wallace - former leader of Australia's SAS, speaking about, "Fatherhood, Leadership and Keys for Happy Families" plus graduates of past Good to Great courses. When: Thursday 17th August 2006 What: Free BBQ Time: 6 pm Where: Lighthouse Church, 1 Railway Square (west side of station),Wollongong Information Night commences 7.15 pm RSVP: Tuesday 15th August to info@fathersonline.org or 02 4272 6677 Good to Great Mentoring Course will be running for 10 weeks from: 7th September 2006 - 16th November 2006 It includes many activities for dads and their families. Cost of the course is $250.00 which includes a course manual and a copy of the book, 'Fathering from the Fast Lane'. For more information please contact: Fatherhood Foundation info@fathersonline.org PO Box 440 Wollongong NSW 2520 02 4272 6677 _________________________________________________________ Procreate and Cherish "Fathers should take a more active role in raising children" says Peter Costello http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19890520-462,00.html?from=rss Couples abandon Romance http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19904218-2,00.html?from=rss Marriage and Family on Hold http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19904226-2,00.html?from=rss * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The Working with Men Training Course develops a strong professional approach for community welfare/health workers who work with men and family relationship issues. The course combines theory and practice and focuses on the knowledge and skills that workers need when working with men, either individually or in groups. The training course focuses on: -exploring the social and emotional challenges that impact on men?s personal and family relationships -exploring how power, violence, and suicide affect men?s lives -the challenges men face in moving towards mutuality and equality in relationships -the changing male social and work-related roles -the diversity of men who experience different socio-cultural issues -exploring the challenges when providing support services for men Facilitators: Andrew King and Steve Sweeney. Andrew King is the UnitingCare Burnside Training Coordinator with eight years experience in working with men. Steve Sweeney is an experienced group leader with extensive experience in working with men. When: 20-22 September & 15-17 November 2006 from 9.30am to4.30pm Cost: $650.00 (GST is not applicable) Visit the Burnside website for information about discount accommodation. To register: To obtain an application form for this training, call Maureen Micallef at Burnside on 02 9768 6811 or email mmicallef@burnside.org.au or visit the web site on www.burnside.org.au and follow the prompts to Resources and Training. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Letters Dear Fatherhood Foundation Sadly, I don't share Ms Arndt's optimism about the Family Relationship Centres. We have the foxes in charge of the chicken coop, surely she can see that!? In fact, I am increasingly disappointed in Ms Arndt's lack of advocacy for fair representation of non-custodial parents where it really counts, such as the CSHISC Committee. Perhaps my expectations are too great.... When this dreadful social experiment is proven to have failed - and that is a given, as the foundations are so shoddily cobbled together - another decade or more will have passed with countless other such tragic stories. I hate reading the paper for this very reason. Matilda Bawden matildabawden@hotmail.com * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation. With all the news in the media of war and what seems to be the decline of humanity, it is a wonder if we will ever see peace in the world. I guess that the answer lies in the ability and willingness of people who want peace for the sake of the next generation, instead of those who fight for the sake of fighting. But sometimes when people are pushed to fight they have no other choice but to stand up for what they believe in. This also applies in our personal lives because, in March of this year I went back to court for the third time so that I could spend more time with my 3 children and won! I call it winning because to be there for my children is like a battle. Also I know that I have vindicated myself from all the allegations my ex-wife accused me of and because I know, as do my children, that I have never and will never do anything to harm them. Now after all we have been through my ex-wife has learned absolutely nothing, because I was told by my children that my ex-wife is plotting to take them to Queensland and in my children's words, "she is doing it so you won't see us anymore!" I know that this is nothing more than a game for her and using the children is easier for her instead of building bridges and getting over her bitter feelings towards me. With all this in mind I know that, we, as fathers, need to stay strong for our children and let them know that no matter how hard it gets we will be there for them, as well as for ourselves. We need to stay strong for ourselves to be strong for our children. The way that my ex-wife is behaving may never stop, but I'll be damned if I am going to let her interfere with the relationship that I have with my children. The family court system in this country needs to change NOW not next year or the year after and give us our rights as fathers, because we are all suffering. The courts also need to notice and not turn a blind eye, to the emotional games that some women play to hurt men who are hard working fathers that want to be there for their kids. We need to remain vigilant in these situations and stay strong. It's OK to cry when we feel sad, but it's not OK to give up on our kids. The battle continues and all I want to do is spend my time with my children in peace. For our kids, in strength. Thanks & keep up the GREAT work. Joe. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation A great message! Thank you. I would like some info on Good to Great - mate. Can't help it - its the poet in me!? . . . Cheers Tony * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation That story about your daughter is beautiful and very touching. If she was my daughter I would be proud. Problem is that you have devalued her action by telling the world. I seriously believe your daughter will not like you telling everyone even if she gave her 'permission'. A real catch 22 is this one. You may regret it in future years. Regards Peter Father of three daughters, now 23, 27, 29. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Dear Fatherhood Foundation What a great lead story!!! I have been taking the same path with my girls; they are 17 in Sept, 15 in Sept and 13. I really believe as they wait and focus on what God wants for their lives, they will be much more fulfilled. Keep up the good work, Steve Barnes back to top Dad's Prayer Dear God Teach me how to love. Teach me how to put my money on the right bet. When I am committed to LOVE - love is committed to me. back to top Help Us Click here for more information about us Help Us! The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity. Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother. If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility: Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund (Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility) Westpac Branch Wollongong BSB: 032 695 A/C: 25-5558 Or mail cheque and address details to: PO Box 440 WOLLONGONG NSW 2520 AUSTRALIA The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997. You have received the fathersonline.org newsletter because you have subscribed, or you have been subscribed by a friend. If you do not wish to receive future emails, please click the UNSUBSCRIBE button below or send an email to info@fathersonline.org with the word UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject heading. back to top Click Here to Unsubscribe ------=_NextPart_000_EE3E_01C6B3AD.4E3D6B80 Content-Type: text/html; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit Fatherhood Foundation
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Issue 205 - 31st July 2006 Go to our website Here


Hello Warwick

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last week in fathersonline in our 'Grandads' section we had a great article from Diane Sollee.  Fathersonline is all about men talking to men about fatherhood and family.  We rarely have articles by women for that reason, but we simply had to include Diane's article because it was so brilliant and related to the most important thing a man can do for his children, that is, love his wife.  Diane Sollee is a grandmother and runs a wonderful organisation called Smart Marriages in the USA.  Diane and her team have regular emails on marriage and relat ed issues and I would highly recommend that you get on the Smartmarriages email list if you are interested in ideas for marriage. http://www.smartmarriages.com  

 

For the past ten years Diane has been holding her own 'Gramma Week', during which all five of her grand children come and spend 10 days with her.  Their parents go off for a child-free 'marriage vacation'. 

 

Diane says, "I highly recommend it to all able-bodied grandparents as the best marriage-strengthening gift you can give your adult kids.  My sons and daughters-in-law look forward to it all year long.  I also think of it as preventative grand parenting - to make sure I don't ever end up either losing contact with my grandkids, or raising them full time after a divorce (50% of all divorced adults return to live with their parents after divorce, bringing their kids with them). I just do it for the sheer pleasure, it's a total change of pace and it makes me feel so young.  I also love giving my grand children the idea that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence and that marriage is fun and romantic.  They get all giggly over the idea. 'Wonder what mamma and daddy are doing right now?' I ask them.  'Probably dancing.  Probably holding hands while they kayak around the glaciers.  Probably kissing on top of the Eiffel Tower. Tee hee."

 

Diane continues, "If you don't have parents that can do this, I encourage you to set up a swap with siblings or friends.  It takes planning - so start now.  If you can't manage a week, take a long weekend.  It's a message to each other - and a strong message to your kids.  We must practice what we preach."

 

With the 'Good to Great' - Fatherhood Mentoring Course coming up and the fact that one  requirement of the course is to take your wife away for a romantic weekend together, I thought it was time to practice what we preach.

 

My children are no longer young so I didn't have to call in the grandma.  As we live in a regional centre, it is always nice to go to the big city together.  It took a bit of planning, a bit of effort and a bit of money, but we got there and it was wonderful.   We went window shopping together, ate out together, walked through the park in the rain together, watched a movie together, travelled on the monorail together and generally had a fantastic time together;  the operative word being 'together'.  The fact of being together forces you to talk, among other things.  Both men and women need this, but the daily grind of existence can knock it out of you both pretty quickly.  It's easy to fall in love, but you have to fight to stay in love.

 

Going away together, as Diane Sollee points out is sending a clear message to your children: 'love is the reason' for their existence and as Diane says, "that their parents have a romance going on that doesn't require their presence, and that marriage is fun and romantic."

 

American psychologists, Knox & Ingster, conducted some very interesting experiments at the race track. They asked punters how certain they were that their horse would win.  Just after placing a bet, they were much more confident of winning than they were just before placing the bet.  Same horse, same jockey, same track - just more certainty.  The reason for this confidence is that most people have a deep-seated desire to be consistent in their behaviour.  After placing a bet, the punter became someone who supported the horse, having made a commitment to its success.  They changed their other attitudes to fit that commitment.

 

Taking your wife away for a romantic weekend increases your commitment to her and your love for her, which then overflows to your children.  This overflow of love in the home helps produce a happy family. Commitment shows love, and love is the reason your children exist.  What more do you need?

 

Lovework

 

Love is the most powerful force in the Universe, so why not put it into action in your family? Make the right bets; increase your chances at winning.  Invest your time, effort, planning and money into the bet of LOVE. If you invest in Love, you will eventually win the race.

 

Yours for more LOVE

Warwick Marsh

 

PS The Fatherhood Foundation is still working on going to the next level.  Our goal is simply 'to change the world one father at a time'.  Our mission to give our children the fathers they need. Our strategy is to inspire, encourage, educate and resource men to become the best fathers in the world for the sake of their children.  Our children deserve the best; why not give it to them.  If you would like to help us in our work please check out 'Help Us' at the end of the newsletter or email info@fathersonline.org   Remember that your giving is Tax Deductible.

 ________________________________________

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 30 years. He is
the father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in
age from 25 years to 13 years.  Warwick is a musician,
songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he
can still laugh at himself.

back to top

Grandads

 

 

Every man is enthusiastic at times.

One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes,

another has it for thirty days -

but it is the man
that has it for
thirty years

who makes a success in life.

 

Anonymous

 

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Laughter


 

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."

 

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Single Dads

 

God's Gift

By Drew McGowan

 

Aimee, my beautiful daughter, was born after 7 years of trying to have a child, two miscarriages, two IVF attempts and losing her twin in the first 4 weeks of the pregnancy.  She is truly God's gift. 

 

After Aimee's birth I was retrenched, fell into a depression and was diagnosed with Bipolar.  I remember standing beside her cot asking why I wasn't motivated to provide for her and my wife.  I was asked not to return home after I got out of the psychiatric clinic which I obeyed.  At that time Aimee was 6 months old, her mother left with her and I didn't know where they were. 

 

Three months after they left I drove from Brisbane to Sydney to spend 3 hours with Aimee in a supervised contact centre.  There were security guards, I was not allowed to take a photo of Aimee or change her nappy. 

 

My ex-wife's desire was that I never play a role in Aimee's life.  I had no option but to start legal proceedings.  Great friends stuck by me and helped me believe in myself and the need for me to be involved in Aimee's life.  With success at court, a judge said that the court would not permit a child of 18 months of age being denied a relationship with their father and no supervision was required during contact, thank God.

 

When Aimee was 3, I decided to move from Brisbane to Sydney.  Being a part time dad every 6 to 8 weeks wasn't enough.  I missed out on Aimee's first steps, her first word and so much of her early years.  It was time to be the dad she needed.  This was the same age I was when my father died. 

 

At school there was a boy who said to me, "Sucked in, you haven't got a father." I later found out that he didn't either.  The difference was that my dad died but his left.  I know what it is like to grow up without a dad.  I don't want Aimee to have that experience.

 

So on 31 August 2000 with no job and nowhere to live I left Brisbane and drove to Sydney to start life as a more involved father.  The next day was Father's Day. What a day to start 'contact', that's the technical term for when you see your children.  What an awesome day. 

 

In the early days being around families was very difficult, I found myself constantly thinking about Aimee.  Christmas and my birthday were no longer happy times, however I have learnt to focus on the time we have together and to make the most of every minute.  I pray for the day that Aimee chooses to come and live with me.  Not that I want Aimee to have to choose, no child should choose one parent over another; in fact I find this detestable. 

 

My constant struggle is to continue accepting the current situation and not be selfish.  Because I truly believe that Aimee needs her mother as her primary carer until after puberty.  Until then I continue to be a single man for 11 days a fortnight, a single dad for the other 3 days and half the school holidays.

 

We have just spent half of the school holidays together.  From the simplest things of tucking Aimee in at night, reading bedtime stories, cooking dinner, washing, watching DVD's through to picnicking with friends, making ear rings and playing table soccer.  The opportunity to do life normally for eight days; awesome! 

 

It has been said that when a child is told something by their mother it is how they see themself.  When their father tells them something it is how they perceive the world sees them.  Your role as a father is vitally important.  Winston Churchill's most famous speech was, 'Never, Never, Never give up.'

 

It was a challenge to become a father and continues to be a challenge to remain Aimee's father.  It is a fight which I will never, never, never give up.

 

______________________________________________________

 

Drew McGowan is in the situation more and more men in our country and the world find themselves: a part-time dad.  Most of the time he is a single man but every second weekend he is a single dad.

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All you need is Love

 

Teach Your Child the Charity Habit

By Chick Moorman and Thomas Haller

 

Charity and the spirit of giving have been elevated to a new level following the recent Asian tsunami. After witnessing the horrific images of pain and suffering streaming steadily across their TV sets, more people than ever before have dipped deeper into their own pockets to offer needed relief to the survivors of this unprecedented tragedy.

 

Many parents are using the destruction delivered by the disaster as an opportunity to help children learn about charity and the importance of reaching out to others in their time of need. They have made generous family donations, often involving their children in picking out the charity, writing the check, and preparing and mailing the envelope. They have allowed their children to witness turning the pain and grief of unimaginable loss into a time of extending love and compassion to unknown people half way around the world.

 

Clearly the recent tsunami provides an opportune time to teach children about charity. But what if parents want lessons about charity to be more than a one time occurrence? What if they want the spirit of giving to be a way of life for their children? What if they want charity to become a habit?

 

To help your children acquire the habit of charity, consider implementing as a family the strategies which follow.

1) Periodically go through your closets rooting out clothes you haven't worn in awhile, clothes to be given to the Salvation Army or Good Will for distribution to the needy. Encourage your children to do the same. Allow them to select which clothes or toys they wish to donate. The value of this activity is diminished greatly if you go through their closets for them without their presence. For maximum benefit, get your children involved in choosing the appropriate items. Take your children with you when you drop the items off at the charitable destination.

2) Regularly engage in a service oriented project. Rake the leaves of an elderly couple. Bake cookies for a serviceman or servicewoman. Bake bread and deliver it to the homeless feeding station in your community.

3) Give blood. Take your children with you so they see you as a model for giving. Talk to them about why you choose to donate blood and what you hope it will accomplish by doing so.

4) Set up birthday parties as a time for giving to others. At your child's first school age birthday party, ask guests to bring a gift of a book (new or used) to be donated to a local charity. Talk to you son about the books he has and about children who have no books. Explain that one way to celebrate a birthday would be to give to those who have less. Involve the birthday boy in the decision of whether not to give the books to a woman?s shelter, a doctor's office, or some other appropriate organization. When you deliver the books with your son, record it on camera.

5) At regular intervals, buy dog or cat food and take it to the humane society. Allow your children to spend some time with the recipients of the gift.

6) Build food baskets around the holidays and give to a needy family suggested by your church or school. Involve your children is selecting canned goods, fruit and other treats to include. Decorate the gift package and deliver it together, as a family.

7) Create a charity jar to be used by the family when allowances are distributed. Invite children to share some of their allowance with others through donating to the jar. As the jar fills decide as a family where to contribute the contents. You may choose to save a whale, buy gloves for needy children, or contribute to a cancer charity among others. Read about various charities on the internet and share this information with your children to help them make an informed decision.

8) Do things for the elderly they have trouble doing for themselves. Pick up sticks in your neighbors yard after a big windstorm. Mow the grass for grandma. Wash grandpa's car. Clean their windows in the spring. Help them plant flowers.

9) Get on a regular service schedule at your church or synagogue. Sign up for a time to mow the grass and trim the bushes. Take your turn ushering and allow your child to assist.

 

By implementing some of the ideas above or others like them, you will be teaching your children that charity is not reserved only for emergencies. You will be helping them appreciate that reaching out to others in need is a way of life, rather than a moment in time when a catastrophic disaster occurs. Remember, while you are giving to others, you are giving your children important messages about your beliefs concerning the spirit of giving.

 

Subscribe to Parenting Tips

http://www.mercatornet.com/news/admin/parentingtips@pared.edu.au

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Thought of the Week

 

It is easy to fall in love

But you have to fight to stay in love.

 

Love is the most powerful force in

the Universe.

Let love rule your life.

You will never be sorry that you did.

 

Warwick Marsh

 

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Special Feature


 

 

 

Who's happiest? Not us

 

 

 

 

July 12, 2006 - 2:22PM

The Sydney Morning Herald

The full report can be found at the Happy Planet Index

 

http://www.neweconomics.org/gen/uploads/dl44k145g5scuy453044gqbu11072006194758.pdf

 

The tiny South Pacific Ocean archipelago of Vanuatu is the happiest country on Earth, according to a study measuring people's wellbeing and their impact on the environment.

 

Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominica and Panama complete the top five in the Happy Planet Index, compiled by the British think-tank New Economics Foundation (NEF).

 

Australia is ranked 139th out of the 178 countries surveyed.

 

The index combines life satisfaction, life expectancy and environmental footprint - the amount of land required to sustain the population and absorb its energy consumption.

 

Zimbabwe came bottom of the rankings, below second-worst performer Swaziland, Burundi, the Democratic Republic of Congo and Ukraine in the survey, published today.

 

The Group of Eight industrial powers meet in St Petersburg this weekend but have not much to smile about, according to the index.

 

Italy came out best in 66th place, ahead of Germany (81), Japan (95), Britain (108), Canada (111), France (129).

 

Those worse off than Australia included the United States (150) and Russia, in lowly 172nd place.

Andrew Simms, NEF's policy director, said the index "addresses the relative success or failure of countries in giving their citizens a good life while respecting the environmental resource limits on which all our lives depend."

 

Nic Marks, the head of NEF's centre for wellbeing, added: "It is clear that no single nation listed in the Happy Planet Index has got everything right.

 

"But the index does reveal patterns that show how we might better achieve long and happy lives for all, whilst living within our environmental means," he said, according to British daily The Guardian.

 

"The challenge is: can we learn the lessons and apply them?"

Island nations performed particularly well in the rankings. But Vanuatu, with a population of around 200,000, topped them all.

 

"Don't tell too many people, please," said Marke Lowen of Vanuatu Online, the republic's online newspaper.

 

"People are generally happy here because they are very satisfied with very little," he told The Guardian.

 

"This is not a consumer-driven society. Life here is about community and family and goodwill to other people.

 

It's a place where you don't worry too much."

 

"The only things we fear are cyclones or earthquakes."

 

Selected others: 17th Philippines; 23rd Indonesia; 31st China; 32nd Thailand; 44th Malaysia; 62nd India; 64th Iceland; 70th Netherlands; 87th Spain; 88th Hong Kong; 89th Saudi Arabia; 99th Denmark; 112th Pakistan; 115th Norway; 119th Sweden; 123rd Finland; 154th UAE; 156th South Africa; 159th Kuwait; 166th Qatar.

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News & Info

  Good to Great

Fatherhood Mentoring Course

for the 21st Century

 

Launch and Information Night

 

With Brigadier Jim Wallace - former leader of Australia's SAS, speaking about, "Fatherhood, Leadership and Keys for Happy Families" plus graduates of past Good to Great courses.

 

When: Thursday 17th August 2006

What: Free BBQ

Time: 6 pm

Where: Lighthouse Church, 1 Railway Square (west side of station),Wollongong

Information Night commences 7.15 pm

RSVP: Tuesday 15th August to info@fathersonline.org or 02 4272 6677

 

Good to Great Mentoring Course

will be running for 10 weeks from:

7th September 2006 - 16th November 2006

 

It includes many activities for dads and their families.

Cost of the course is $250.00 which includes a course manual and a copy of the book,

'Fathering from the Fast Lane'.

 

For more information please contact:

Fatherhood Foundation

info@fathersonline.org

PO Box 440

Wollongong  NSW  2520

02 4272 6677

 

 

_________________________________________________________

 

 

Procreate and Cherish

 

"Fathers should take a more active role in raising children" says Peter Costello

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19890520-462,00.html?from=rss

 

Couples abandon Romance

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19904218-2,00.html?from=rss

 

Marriage and Family on Hold

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,19904226-2,00.html?from=rss

 

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

The Working with Men Training Course develops a strong professional approach for community welfare/health workers who work with men and family relationship issues. The course combines theory and practice and focuses on the knowledge and skills that workers need when working with men, either individually or in groups.

 

The training course focuses on:

-exploring the social and emotional challenges that impact on men?s personal and family relationships

-exploring how power, violence, and suicide affect men?s lives

-the challenges men face in moving towards mutuality and equality in relationships

-the changing male social and work-related roles

-the diversity of men who experience different socio-cultural issues

-exploring the challenges when providing support services for men

 

Facilitators:  

Andrew King and Steve Sweeney.

Andrew King is the UnitingCare Burnside Training Coordinator with eight years experience in working with men. Steve Sweeney is an experienced group leader with extensive experience in working with men.

 

When:          

20-22 September &

15-17 November 2006 from 9.30am to4.30pm

 

Cost:

$650.00 (GST is not applicable)

Visit the Burnside website for information about discount accommodation.

 

To register:   

To obtain an application form for this training,

call Maureen Micallef at Burnside on 02 9768 6811 or

email mmicallef@burnside.org.au  

or visit the web site on www.burnside.org.au

and follow the prompts

to Resources and Training.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Letters

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

Sadly, I don't share Ms Arndt's optimism about the Family Relationship Centres.  We have the foxes in charge of the chicken coop, surely she can see that!?  In fact, I am increasingly disappointed in Ms Arndt's lack of advocacy for fair representation of non-custodial parents where it really counts, such as the CSHISC Committee.  Perhaps my expectations are too great....

 

When this dreadful social experiment is proven to have failed - and that is a given, as the foundations are so shoddily cobbled together - another decade or more will have passed with countless other such tragic stories.

 

I hate reading the paper for this very reason.

 

 

Matilda Bawden

matildabawden@hotmail.com

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation.

 

 

With all the news in the media of war and what seems to be the decline of humanity, it is a wonder if we will ever see peace in the world.  I guess that the answer lies in the ability and willingness of people who want peace for the sake of the next generation, instead of those who fight for the sake of fighting.  But sometimes when people are pushed to fight they have no other choice but to stand up for what they believe in.

 

This also applies in our personal lives because, in March of this year I went back to court for the third time so that I could spend more time with my 3 children and won!  I call it winning because to be there for my children is like a battle.  Also I know that I have vindicated myself from all the allegations my ex-wife accused me of and because I know, as do my children, that I have never and will never do anything to harm them.  Now after all we have been through my ex-wife has learned absolutely nothing, because I was told by my children that my ex-wife is plotting to take them to Queensland and in my children's words, "she is doing it so you won't see us anymore!"

 

I know that this is nothing more than a game for her and using the children is easier for her instead of building bridges and getting over her bitter feelings towards me.  With all this in mind I know that, we, as fathers, need to stay strong for our children and let them know that no matter how hard it gets we will be there for them, as well as for ourselves.  We need to stay strong for ourselves to be strong for our children.  The way that my ex-wife is behaving may never stop, but I'll be damned if I am going to let her interfere with the relationship that I have with my children. 

 

The family court system in this country needs to change NOW not next year or the year after and give us our rights as fathers, because we are all suffering.  The courts also need to notice and not turn a blind eye, to the emotional games that some women play to hurt men who are hard working fathers that want to be there for their kids.  We need to remain vigilant in these situations and stay strong. 

 

It's OK to cry when we feel sad, but it's not OK to give up on our kids.

The battle continues and all I want to do is spend my time with my children in peace.

 

For our kids, in strength.

Thanks & keep up the GREAT work.

Joe.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

A great message! Thank you. 

I would like some info on Good to Great - mate.

Can't help it - its the poet in me!? . . .

 

Cheers

Tony

 

*  * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

That story about your daughter is beautiful and very touching. If she was my daughter I would be proud. Problem is that you have devalued her action by telling the world. I seriously believe your daughter will not like you telling everyone even if she gave her 'permission'. A real catch 22 is this one. You may regret it in future years.

 

Regards

Peter

Father of three daughters, now 23, 27, 29.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

 

Dear Fatherhood Foundation

 

What a great lead story!!! I have been taking the same path with my girls; they are 17 in Sept, 15 in Sept and 13. I really believe as they wait and focus on what God wants for their lives, they will be much more fulfilled.

 

Keep up the good work,

Steve Barnes

 

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Dad's Prayer

 

Dear God

 

Teach me how to love.

Teach me how to put my money on the right bet.

When I am committed to LOVE

- love is committed to me.

 

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Help Us

Click here for more information about us

Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a   source of harm.

The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

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